In the world of mega money mummies, a helicopter-shaped bed for a toddler complete with infra-red lights and leather interior costs £17,000.
Celebrity hairdressers, make-up artists and photographers are booked to do shoots in the private maternity ward before intimate stitches are healed.
And nannies, whose starting salaries are £100,000, must be child psychology graduates as well as talented musicians highly skilled in speaking Japanese, skiing and horse riding.
It sounds outrageous but it’s true. These are just some of the incredible indulgences Tiffany Norris has organised for her clients in her guise as the Mummy Concierge.
Her job is to make sure rich mums’ experience of motherhood is as smooth as the silk-thread wallpaper they use to decorate their nurseries. And there’s nothing she won’t do.
Tiffany says: “One client asked me to organise a vaginacast as a birthday present for her husband.
“She thought he’d find it hilarious and said when she’d pushed three babies out of her vagina, she’d look back and say, ‘Ah, that’s what it used to look like. The good old days’.
“I spent two full days calling around various artist studios in London, but all went quiet and one even hung up on me. In the end I sourced one from a company in Brighton who were completely unfazed.”
Tiffany’s clientele ranges from Victoria’s Secret models to music icons, lawyers and film stars who live anywhere from LA to London.
All have one thing in common: they’re loaded.
Confidentiality contracts mean Tiffany, 40, can’t name names, but she says: “I am working with a member of the Royal Family at the moment and it’s very exciting, but that’s all I can say.”
No jobs are too big, small or expensive.
For one expectant mum who wanted to call her little darling a unique name, Tiffany arranged a gathering of creatives – including a poet, advertising executive and a linguistic expert – to present their best suggestions.
And to help her whittle it down, she set up a focus group to gauge reaction.
So what name did the mum eventually choose?
“Richard,” says Tiffany. “In the end she decided she wanted something traditional. But she also chose Leaf, which was one of the expert’s suggestions, as a middle name.”
There are no Colin the Caterpillar cakes or Asda goodie bags at the parties Tiffany organises.
The former journalist, who lives in the Cotswolds with her husband Patrick, is far too busy transforming two ballrooms into Narnia for two-year-old twins.
In the estate kitchens, highly trained chefs created cupcakes made to look like lions’ heads and sandwiches resting on mini lampposts covered in snow.
Menus printed on parchment detailed the options for parents: Lobster bisque, Beef Wellington and expensive French champagne.
To ensure their four-course meal wasn’t interrupted, each tiny guest had a nanny assigned to them.
“It’s quite easy to sneer and say that’s a crazy waste of money,” says Tiffany, who is eight months’ pregnant and mum to Rupert, four, and two-year-old Ophelia.
“But to clients who are very used to having a lot of money spending £20,000 on a party isn’t ridiculous.
“So the two-year-old twins might not remember the party, but they will have the photos for life.
And the look of delight on those twins’ faces was worth it.”
There are highs in Tiffany’s job, such as receiving a engraved Cartier watch as a thank-you present and sitting in on impromptu music lessons for toddlers from a 1960s music legend.
And there are lows.
“My phone often rings at 2am and it might be a mum who is worried she has bought the wrong bouncer,” says Tiffany.
“But sometimes it’s more serious. Many women don’t want to tell family and friends they’re pregnant until the 12-week stage, but they often tell me sooner so I can start helping them. But sadly, miscarriages happen.
“I’m sometimes called to undo a nursery I have decorated when a client is no longer pregnant.
“It’s really upsetting, but I’d rather do the job than one of the lady’s friends or relatives.”
Some mums just need hand-holding at the early stage of pregnancy, so Tiffany stands in as a “wing woman” at work dos where she poses as a long-lost friend and discreetly switches alcoholic drinks for mocktails to protect her pregnancy secret.
Other missions have included organising lavish babymoons (a holiday before the baby arrives) in South Africa and selecting push presents (gifts to mark the birth) such as a house in the Maldives and a £100,000 diamond necklace.
One client asked for a baby kit to be redesigned with no bright colours to fit her Scandic design and to replace jangly music with Mozart.
Does she feel their grand requests are money wasted, and tell clients they might as well buy Primark baby grows rather than cashmere?
Tiffany says: “My clients have housekeepers, cleaners and nannies who don’t consider the fuss of laundry.
“So if they want the softest clothes money can buy and can afford it, then they want cashmere. That doesn’t mean I’d advise my friends to do the same.
“I’ve found that no how big or small the budget, all mums want the same thing: the very best for their children.”